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Enter Lucius

Updated: Aug 24, 2023

February 24st 2017, Friday

The morning wind forewarned me of my coming quandaries, it carried the musk scent of blood with a hint of a wonted flavour. A flavour whose taste was ever so present on my tongue. I woke up at the behest of the heavens and got ready to taste.

Adorning a long trench coat with enough voids to hold all leads for the forthcoming predicament and a rusk fedora I made my way to the station. There I saw a file on my desk. A file so heavy and gut-wrenching that even after my long 17 days of being a detective, I still could not stomach it. The evidence catlogue-

“Would you stop with the monologue, Lucius!” said a dastardly man.

“Did you just call your superior a dastardly man!?” said Terry, the dastardly captain.

“Why did I hire this guy, anyways go to 56th street, there’s been a murder.”


“Jason, if you play sound effects from your phone one more time I swear to god the next time you’ll be on a case, it’ll be as a victim.” said the dastardly sound effects hating man.

As I made my way to the scene of the crime only one thought loomed on my head.

That I would have to catalogue the evidence of this case and my previous one together.

This means that I would have to, in the best case scenario, work one overtime shift, which means that I will not be home before 12 am at best. Which would seem to imply that, yes I have cracked it, it's all coming together. The only logical conclusion is that I would miss the fucking game tonight! I bought beer and everything! On sale no less! Be a detective they said, you’re smart, you’ll be able to solve crimes. Thanks Jeff you fucking prick. Bet he’ll be having a right laugh enjoying the game with his family.

As I approached the scene of the crime, blue reapers marred the area, all with swabs as their scythes of preference and gloves dawned as if that could cover the redness of their hands. I realised what the winds were telling me since earlier, it was a prophecy about this very murde-

“You’re bleeding from your nose”


“It’s not the musk scent of blood, you’re bleeding from your nose, you probably have a burst blood vessel, here just use this to wipe” said Javier as he handed me his family handkerchief.

“It’s James and that’s just a tissue.” said Jaanee.

As I approached the victim, my heart started beating faster and faster as if drums syncing to the ever accelerating beat of the multiverse, I was becoming more and more breathless. My knees were weak, arms were heavy. I felt like vomiting on my sweater already but I didn't wanna waste Mom’s spaghetti. The atmosphere was stiflingly heavy and depressingly stink filled. As if someone had died.

Anyways as I approached the body lying on the ground, I was taken aback by the devilishly outdated suit, the deodorant that expired around the time Jesus was giving out signed copies of his work, This familiar, and unwonted scent and suit, It can’t be, the victim was-

“A white male aged between 35-40, 5 '10, around 70 kilos, not quite the genetic lottery winner face wise-” said John, the itsy bitsy junior.

“JEFF!” I exclaimed.

“Oh is he a friend of yours, I am so sorry for your loss-”

“AHA SERVES YOU RIGHT YOU LITTLE PRICK, sucking off rich people’s teat and covering up their doings while I suffer IN THESE STREETS” said I, someone who only got this job 17 days ago by lying on my resume.

“Um detective, the victim's family is behind you, also did you just confess to fraud?” said Jamanis.

“Oh Rosie, I just heard the news of Jeff’s death, he was a mighty fine man, it breaks my heart to see such a young soul depart so soon. For all the 20 days that I knew him, he was nothing but loyal, I am deeply sorry for your loss.” I said as I consoled a weeping widow.

After demonstrating my angelic abilities of consoling widows, I took a gander at the body I was so summoned to examine, a wound on the left, too big for a gun, but too precise for a blunt weapon. Yes, I have got it, man was shanked from behind-

“And detective, this is the knife we found disposed of at the scene.” said Jonathan, my fun ruining junior.

“I have been meaning to tell you this, but just because you’re a detective doesn’t mean you’re my senior.”


“Yeah, I have seniority actually.” said Janshulika, the fun ruining senior

I ignored the remarks of the man that ruined my efforts and began pondering about the crime. Who would do this, mayhaps a client who was unhappy with Jeff’s results, he was very bad at hiding his particular field of, uh, employment. Or maybe it was a lover misled by this painfully 1920s man, no that’s not possible, there’s no way this guy had a wife and a girlfriend with that face while I am still single. Must be an ex client.

“It seems that Jeff’s past has caught up with him, his dirty deeds done dirt cheap done handed him a free one-way ticket to hell, huh”

“But detective-”

“Fear not, young padawan, I shall honour the light in my name, and bring the mercy of justice to even the most demonic of souls”


“I fret that I have not even a moment to spare for barbaric chatter, lady justice may be blind but she sure is impatient!” I said as I hurried off to the closest cop car to command another senior to taxi me.

I had been meaning to say that line for ages, saw it in a comic once ,good that I got to use it today.

As I arrived at Jeff’s office, I saw a ray of light shining on a white maiden. A maiden that looked purer than any angel yet was so demonic as if she had taught Satan himself. Standing on toast like brown ground, surrounded by white offsprings of many trees that she had once seduced. With her back to the coat hanger as if to tempt any man to take off his outer protection and let her into your inner world. Yes, I had found it, Jeff’s old ass computer!

I booted it up and frantically started banging my brain cells together to think of Jeff’s password as the boot up animation played. Due to my lack of brain cells I was unfortunately unable to come up with any guesses but I had forgotten that my talent for being dumb was ever so slightly behind the man who made me a detective. As Jeff, the man in contact with the mafia and the <non-descript government agencies>, had not password locked his computer.

I had truly been bested in this battle of wits.

I opened the file explorer and searched for the most dangerous pieces of evidence. I rushed past the streets of K and stopped just before the township of M. I had landed in the village of L where I found the file that I had been looking for. This file contained the deepest and darkest secrets. It was a file on me.

I swiftly dumped the file to the 15th circle of hell called “Recycle Bin”, where it was promptly swallowed up by flames. I then looked for the less important file residing in the kingdom of B. The file of course was titled blackmail. The file names once again reminded me of Jeff’s wits. Jeff’s simplicity befuddled even the Amish and I was but a mere city dwelling handsome and young (self described), adult (physically) compared to them.

I opened the file and what I saw made me wish that I had opened Pandora’s box instead. Black souls came at me from behind the screen as if questioning why they had seen the light of the mighty sun. Documents, images, videos, audio recordings, texts. These made up the band of undead held by such a lich. Each more damning than the next. Presidents, Mafiosos, and the most evil of them all, Fast Food mascots. Jeff was in over his head and although I might miss the game that wasn’t gonna stop me from digging deeper, for it was my duty as a detective of Area 68 Townopolis city, District 419 to figure out the truth and I didn't even watch sports I just had a bet with Jeff that the Blue Barnacles would win. Guess I am keeping my 10 bucks. Ooh maybe I’ll even get to do one of the red string things on my soft board.

To be continued…


- mcclub
- mcclub

very epic, very cool B)

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